


I still need you

by bungee_bepbop



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bokuto is a good boyfriend, Bottom Akaashi Keiji, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Haikyuu - Freeform, Haikyuu Timeskip, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Smut, Top Bokuto Koutarou, University Student Akaashi Keiji, akaashi keiji - Freeform, bokuto koutarou - Freeform, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:02:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29880864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bungee_bepbop/pseuds/bungee_bepbop
Summary: With Bokuto away at playoffs with the MSBY Black Jackals, Akaashi spirals and doubts their relationship, making him think Bokuto would be better without him, Bokuto comes back to prove him wrong and show him just how much he needs him.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	I still need you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peachrind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachrind/gifts).



He’d lost track of how long he’d been staring at that picture.

It was a crisp, slightly faded picture on his nightstand that made him want to rip his heart out. 

  
Akaashi remembered that day. 

It was cool for spring, he didn’t bring a coat despite his mother telling him to. Bokuto had asked him on a date the day before, he thought it was a little strange, they’d been dating for a while, but Bokuto insisted on seeing the Sakura trees together. 

Akaashi brought chocolates and soda and Bokuto brought sandwiches and a blanket for them to eat on. He was nervous the whole date, Akaashi would have found it cute if he wasn’t a little worried too. It had been their first technical  _ ‘date’ _ so to speak; they had been dating for a while but had yet to do anything special with just the two of them. 

When he got there Bokuto hovered a little shyly, playing with his fingers nervously the way he did when he first introduced himself. He had a soft smile and a slight blush on his cheeks. He stumbled over his words and laughed them off. Akaashi got too cold because of the breeze and between nervous sentences Bokuto offered him his sweater. Akaashi would never forget that day. 

It was their first  _ real _ date. 

It was the first time Bokuto told him he loved him and he’d said it back. 

Bokuto asked him to move in with him when he graduated high school and he’d said yes. 

He  _ wished _ he could go back to that day. 

He wished he could see Bokuto’s smile when he was happy and the nervous blush he got when he wanted to talk about something important. He wished he could borrow his sweater again because he was too dumb to bring one of his own. He wished he could lay his head on Bokuto’s chest again, listening to his heartbeat while they laid under the Sakura trees. 

Looking at the picture, he felt empty. 

In high school he woke up to good-morning texts with at least a row of emojis, he’d cross paths with Bokuto on his commute to school and they’d talk about their mornings. It didn’t matter if it was 7 am and nothing interesting had happened yet, somehow, Bokuto always found a way to make even the simplest tasks entertaining. 

Bokuto would carry his bag home from practice even though it wasn’t heavy. He’d hold doors for him and get him a small snack after school of whatever looked sweet and was on sale; Akaashi insisted he didn’t have to, but at the end of the day he appreciated it. 

They were small gestures Akaashi hadn’t realized he’d cherished so much until he didn’t get them anymore. 

When he was cold it was a reminder there was no warm sweater waiting for him. 

When he was hungry it was a reminder there was no one to get him a snack thinking he would be hungry by now. 

When he woke up in the morning, he’d wait for a text that wouldn’t come, reminding himself that despite living together, he was almost always alone. 

He was lying in bed with the covers kicked off, staring at the picture carefully placed in a frame they’d chosen together with a clawing feeling at his stomach. The people in the picture were happy. Their relationship was perfect. He felt like somewhere along the way their relationship had changed and he didn’t know where. He was alone in an apartment they were supposed to be sharing. Their bedroom was still, no rustling sheets or arms clinging to his chest and no smell of breakfast wafting down the halls. 

Bokuto was away practicing with the Black Jackals, and that was fine, why wouldn’t it be? It was his career, after all. Akaashi was busy with school anyway. Their schedules didn’t line up. At most they’d have 5 hours together before the day ended which lead to mornings like this, Bokuto in a hotel somewhere with Akaashi wondering why he felt so alone even though he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Most days, Bokuto was up before 5 am. He worked out before leaving, took a shower, had breakfast and was out of their apartment by 7. He had practice which took a few hours and between meeting with coaches, managers and sometimes continuing to stay late with the rest of the team he got home by 5 pm. (Usually falling asleep by 9 given how early he had to wake up.)

Whereas Akaashi woke up at 7:30, finding Bokuto had already left. He got ready for his 9 am class and was home by 3. He’d work on his assignments, make dinner and eat around 7 with Bokuto, and if they were lucky they’d be able to watch some tv together or talk before Bokuto got too tired and Akaashi had to get back to his work. 

The 5 or so hours they had together were nice. Akaashi told himself it was enough, and surely their schedules wouldn’t  _ always _ be like this, right? It made sense with finals approaching and tournaments taking place. It was a stressful time for both of them, he  _ had _ to understand that, but none of it helped. 

Bokuto was away with the team. Meaning for the weeks, maybe even month or two Bokuto was away they didn’t see each other. Bokuto was busy and so was he. They tried to talk; Bokuto would send him texts during breaks but since they didn't line up with Akaashi’s travel time between classes he didn’t get them until an hour or two after they’d been sent, making for a rote and often depressing text sequence where Akaashi would only get around to answering how he slept at 3 pm. The only time they’d even get the chance to see each other was if either of them had a free enough schedule to eat dinner over skype together, and even that was far and in between. 

Akaashi wondered if he was alone with this feeling. A weighted claw at his skin that told him their relationship wasn’t working. It was a mistake to move in together, their relationship should have been nothing but a high school fling and he only wastes Bokuto’s time, being an obstacle in his otherwise successful life. 

His days were painfully habitual. He woke up alone, staring at a picture that mocked him with a relationship he didn’t have anymore. He had coffee, went to school, and dragged his way through his classes only to do more work when he got home, have a quick call with Bokuto that was rushed and often cut short because of work and team activities, then ate dinner alone and went to bed only to repeat the same thing the next day. 

His workload increased and he got too busy for the texts Bokuto stopped sending because he was at the playoffs. His sleep schedule fell into pieces as he watched one, two, three days pass without a single text or call. 

When he was on the train one of Bokuto’s games was playing on the screen, they had won, and Akaashi felt his heart tweak seeing how excited everyone was, but he couldn’t help but think of Bokuto’s big smile, loud cheers and how happy he was without him. 

He poked at his dinner. Pushing the food around and staring at the empty seat on the other side of the table. Bokuto was on a train coming back. They had won the playoffs, and Bokuto was happy. He was ecstatic when he’d called to tell him about it. The train left late and Bokuto wouldn't be back until later, but Akaashi still made him a plate, hoping that maybe he’d get home earlier. 

_ Your relationship is a failure.  _

‘No, it’s not…’

_ You saw how happy he was without you.  _

‘Please stop…’

_ He does so much better without you, you know that. _

‘He doesn’t…’

_ He doesn’t need you. _

_ You’re wasting his time.  _

_ He’d be better off without you.  _

‘I know…’

His mind wasn’t kind to him. It was nothing new. In high school, his mind would always filter through every possible outcome of a situation, but now it only presented one. Bokuto was better off without him and he knew it. 

He ate dinner alone. Put Bokuto’s plate in the fridge with a sticky note on it and lay down in bed. His thoughts amused him. Despite longing so long for Bokuto to come back, now that he was only hours away, maybe less, he wished it would take an eternity for him to get back so he could lay in bed staring at the picture of their old relationship for a little longer. Hold onto the scraps of what he used to have before the rug slipped out from underneath him and he was left alone and shivering on the ground. 

The door opened. 

_ ‘Please go away.’ _

A bag dropped at the doorway, followed by the sound of feet walking through the apartment, looking for him. 

_ ‘Please don’t come in.’ _

The door opened, letting light from the hallway settle on Akaashi’s curled-up frame. He was facing away from the door, staring at the photo on the nightstand and wishing Bokuto would go away before he saw him. If he saw him he’d be disappointed. Bokuto would realize how he was better off without him. He’d regret coming back to someone who so obviously didn’t care. Akaashi would feel himself crumble as they settled back into their routine, seeing Bokuto in the evenings and wishing he had just a little more time on his hands. 

He wished he could live in that prolonged moment forever. The 1-2 minutes Bokuto had been back before either of them had said anything, making him convince himself that if they just went to sleep, he could pretend it was okay. Bokuto would never leave. He still needed him. 

“...Keiji?” He winced. Wishing Bokuto would have just let him lie in bed and go to sleep. 

_ ‘Go away…’ _

“Keiji? What’s wrong?...” A hesitant set of stalled footsteps came over to the side of the bed. Bokuto had adjusted his footing to make his steps lighter. He crouched down next to Akaashi, brushing a stray piece of hair behind his ear from where he laid unmoving with a pained expression on his face. 

_ “Please go away, Koutarou...”  _ Bokuto took his hand away from Akaashi’s cheek. It hadn’t been uncommon for him to get sad sometimes, but he’d never told him to go away. 

“Keiji?” Akaashi turned away from Bokuto. 

_ He doesn’t need you. _

_ He’ll see it sooner or later.  _

_ Just get it over with.  _

_ ‘I know…’ _

“Keiji?...” Akaashi curled in on himself, “Did something happen?” 

“Nothing happened, Koutarou. Just please let me sleep…” He could hear Bokuto stand up. He didn’t deserve this. Akaashi knew that. He’d beat himself up for it long after tonight, but it didn’t change that Bokuto didn’t need him. 

“Do you want to have dinner?” Bokuto fiddled with his fingers, a nervous habit he’d picked up. 

“I already ate…” Akaashi pulled the covers up. Wishing Bokuto would leave him alone for a few more minutes before he finally ruined everything. 

“I… I just got back… Can you sleep a little later?” Akaashi felt himself sink into his bones, “We haven’t really had the chance to talk recently…” 

He pulled the covers up further. Closing his eyes tightly and wanting Bokuto to stop before he ruined everything. 

“Keiji, what’s wrong? I haven’t seen you in months… I thought you’d be happy to see me…?” He couldn’t tell if Bokuto was worried or mad, but the dead air felt suffocating. 

“Why are you with me?” 

Bokuto’s eyebrows knit together. 

“Huh?” 

“Why are you with me… You can do so much better… I’m nothing…” 

Bokuto’s heart stung.  _ What was happening? _

“You don’t need me… I’m no good…” Akaashi was pessimistic, but never in this way, “Don’t you see that? You don’t need me…” He felt his eyes water, 

_ ‘What is he doing?’ _

“I’m too busy for you… You should be with someone who doesn’t spend all of their time studying and sleeping…” 

_ ‘He’s a student… of course he’s busy…’ _

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your games… I’m sorry I disappoint you…”

_ ‘You don't…’ _

“You don’t need me…”

_ ‘I do…’ _

“This doesn’t work…”

_ ‘It does…’ _

“Maybe we should-”

“Akaashi.” He stayed quiet. Listening to his own soft sniffles and hiccups as Bokuto thought of what to say. Maybe he’d realize Akaashi was right? Maybe he’d agree with him that they needed a break and that this was a good thing. 

“Keiji...” Bokuto started, fiddling with his fingers. He sat down on the bed, his side lining up with Akaashi’s back. He put a hand on his thigh, meaning nothing but comfort. “I don’t know why you’ve been thinking that, but none of it’s true.”

He sniffled again, wincing and wondering why Bokuto was even putting up with him. 

“I know we haven’t seen each other a lot lately… but none of what you said is true.” His voice didn’t waver, he didn’t stutter or pause in his statements, he needed Akaashi to know he was telling the truth. 

“I need you so much… ‘Kaashi… So much you don’t realize it…” Akaashi shifted, laying on his other side to face Bokuto more, “I don’t know why you think I don’t need you… But I’d be a mess without you. You’re the single most amazing person in my life and I need you to know that…'' He paused, softly sniffling himself, “So, whatever you were going to say, please don’t… I need you so much it confuses me and I don’t know what I’d do with myself without you… I’d be a complete mess, ‘Kaashi…” Akaashi sniffled, slowly uncurling from his ball under the covers as Bokuto laid next to him, pushing their foreheads together as he sniffled, letting Bokuto wrap his arms around him as he continued, 

“I know we don’t see each other a lot… But we’ve only been living together for a few months… Our schedules don’t work now but they will, and I promise things will be okay… You mean everything to me Keiji… so please don’t do this to us… You’re beautiful and amazing and smart and if anything I don’t deserve you.” Akaashi cried into Bokuto’s arms. Feeling his body shake slightly in his embrace as he melted into the comfort. Bokuto pressed a firm kiss to his forehead and fed a hand through his hair, guiding his head into his chest. 

Akaashi curled into Bokuto’s arms. Slowly letting his body relax into the person he’d missed so much. With another kiss pressed to his forehead his mind started to shift as he calmed down. 

_ He was with Bokuto.  _

_ The man he loved.  _

_ The man who loved him back. _

_ The man that would always love him and be there for him no matter what happened.  _

He shifted up on the bed, angling his head up and placing a kiss on Bokuto’s lips. It was longer than the forehead kiss. It was softer and sweet. Bokuto’s hand was still gently carding through his hair as he shuffled to move closer to him, nearly pressing their bodies against each other.

Akaashi felt his heartbeat calm down, melting into the kiss as his mind relaxed. He felt how Bokuto’s tongue traced against his lips, how it slipped into his mouth and how he gently sucked on his bottom lip. His eyes fluttered slightly as he leaned into the kiss, his breathing evening out and then picking back up in a completely different way. 

He felt Bokuto’s hand brush over his waist. Ghosting his body with light and delicate touches. Bokuto placed a light kiss on his lips as he pulled away, moving down his jaw and neck, littering him with soft kisses and sucking lightly leaving sweet pink marks on Akaashi’s skin. 

He slid his leg gently between Akaashi’s thighs, feeling him relax and hum softly, moving his hands to tangle in Bokuto’s hair. It was soft and silky without any product in it. A soft moan escaped his lips. Barely audible being as light as it was, but Bokuto hummed happily, continuing his work on Akaashi’s neck, making him sigh in contentment and happiness. Bokuto shifted them, Akaashi lying on his back with him hovering over him, his knee still pressed against the slight bulge between his thighs as he moved back up his neck, sucking at Akaashi’s lip before pulling away, his eyes running over him.

“Beautiful…” He murmured, gazing into Akaashi’s soft eyes as a small blush crossed his cheeks along with the drawings of a small smile, “Just perfect…”

He dipped back down against Akaashi’s neck, sucking at a sweet spot he’d worked so hard to find as Akaashi keened off the bed, gently arching his back into the touch as Bokuto ran a hand under his shirt, trailing over the smooth skin that covered the fading muscle he had from high school. Since he stopped playing volleyball he’d lost a little muscle mass, and understandably so, but even with Akaashi’s slight insecurity around it; Bokuto never passed up an opportunity to show him just how much he loved him. 

Akaashi’s shirt was quickly discarded as Bokuto trailed kisses up his stomach and chest, licking over his nipples making him moan lightly, pushing up against the pressure on his groin. Akaashi gasped as Bokuto nipped and sucked on one, making him moan louder than he wanted to. He looked down at Bokuto, the flush on his face now painfully obvious. 

“K-Koutarou-” Akaashi was quickly silenced with another kiss, slightly more forceful than the last, taking the air out of his lungs. 

“I don’t want to hear you say anything, beautiful.” Bokuto pressed his forehead against his, “Just relax and let me do the work.” If it was possible, Akaashi fell even more in love with the man on top of him. He continued to melt into the touch, the room filling with light moans and gasps as Bokuto ground against his dick and covered his body in marks and bruises. 

Soon enough Bokuto’s clothes were discarded along with his own as he ground down on Akaashi’s erection. Akaashi was truly beautiful. His arm strewn across his face, panting and filling the room with light moans. Bokuto loved him with all his soul. 

The hand that was on Akaashi’s waist left, quickly grabbing some lube and a condom from the nightstand and trailing down over his hips and thighs. He slicked up his fingers and moved to press them into the tight coil of muscle that made Akaashi gasp and had his eyes rolling back into his head. Akaashi shifted to accommodate the intrusion, even if it was nothing compared to what he’d get soon. He hummed and held onto Bokuto’s shoulder, digging into the skin slightly as Bokuto stretched him out, switching between scissoring him and thrusting them further into Akaashi’s hole. 

Bokuto smiled, listening to the sounds that Akaashi made as he gently sucked on his jaw, whispering a quick  _ ‘beautiful’  _ into Akaashi’s ear before drawing his fingers out, making Akaashi whine slightly with a slight pout on his lips. He grabbed the condom he’d gotten before, quickly tearing it open and rolling it onto his cock, lining himself up with Akaashi’s hole before slowly pushing in. 

He moved back, placing gentle kisses on Akaashi’s lips, sucking and slipping his tongue in as he winced at the intrusion. It didn’t matter how much prepping they did, Bokuto had always been a stretch for him. Akaashi pushed back into the kiss, running his tongue over Bokuto’s bottom lip before pulling away and nodding. 

“You okay, beautiful?” Bokuto hummed, his voice so full of love and affection. Akaashi nodded, his slight smile absolutely perfect against the flush of his cheeks. 

Bokuto rolled his hips, delicately fucking into him as if he was the most prized possession in the world. Akaashi moaned, keening into the touch and locking his legs around Bokuto’s waist. He panted as he laid against the soft fabric of the bed, pleasure rocking through him with each thrust and praise Bokuto would give him. He soaked it all up and prayed for the moment to never end. 

It was perfect, all of it. Bokuto hovering over him, treating him like pure gold. He didn’t know how such little time with him could somehow erase every negative feeling that had built up over the months but it had. He loved Bokuto so much it hurt him in the strangest ways. Worrying he wasn’t enough, he wasn’t good enough, Bokuto was better off without him, but in moments when they were together, Bokuto made him feel as if he was the only thing in the world that he needed. 

“You’re amazing… Keiji.” Bokuto panted into his ear, sending a shiver down his spine, “I love you so much… you’re perfect…”

“K-Koutarou-” He huffed out through choked moans and gasps as Bokuto rocked against his prostate. 

“I love you so much… all pretty and blushing, just for me.” Bokuto ran his hand over Akaashi’s chest, grazing his nipples making him moan and arch up into the touch. He ducked his head down and sucked on one of the buds, grazing it with his teeth and kitten-licking it. 

Akaashi felt himself getting close. Between the pleasure against his prostate, nipples and Bokuto as a whole it was enough to push him over the edge. He was panting and sweaty under Bokuto’s care, coming with a light choked moan onto his stomach. 

Bokuto pulled out, giving his cock a few pumps before coming into the condom with a groan. He tied it off and quickly threw it in the trash. Placing another gentle and sweet kiss on Akaash’s lips, leaning in for only a second before pulling away. He ducked out of the room quickly, returning with a warm washcloth and grabbing a pair of pyjamas out of the dresser on his way back. He cleaned the cum off Akaashi’s stomach as he laid there in a blissed-out post-orgasm haze. 

He slid on his pyjama bottoms and quickly pulled a pair on Akaashi, as well as giving him the oversized yet slightly sweaty sweater he’d worn on his train ride back, it may not have been the nicest, but he knew how Akaashi liked it. 

He laid back down next to him, wrapping his arms around the man as he curled against his chest. He carded through his hair, running the fine strands through his fingers as Akaashi ducked his head into the crook of his neck, listening to his heartbeat. Bokuto looked down at him, curled up against him in a sweater that was way too big for him. 

“You know you’re amazing, right?” He hummed, his eyebrows slightly crooked together, “I know it’s been hard apart… But we’re together now… our schedules will change with your semester change… even though I know that’s out of our control… but truthfully, you’re amazing.” He paused, a small blush crossing his face, “I’d fall apart without you, you’re perfect, and beautiful, and amazing, and even if you don’t think I need you then I’ll take every day we have together to prove that you’re the single thing I need most in life… I love you, Keiji.”

Akaashi looked up at Bokuto with slight awe. He didn’t use to think so cynically of his life or their relationship. He knew couples went through rough patches and more often than not they let their relationship fizzle out and die. Without Bokuto he felt like he was trying to hold onto water that kept slipping out of his grasp, but that’s because he couldn’t be in a relationship alone, it takes two people, and Bokuto seemed to have run in and helped Akaashi back on his feet. Just like he always did. Most people saw their relationship as Akaashi picking up Bokuto. In high school, he had his ‘emo modes’, where Akaashi was the only one able to get him out of his slump, but what they didn’t see was that Bokuto could do exactly the same thing. He could find Keiji in a slump and lift him out by simply being around him. 

In their relationship, they relied on each other. They needed each other and it wasn’t more weighted in one way or another. They needed each other and would do whatever they could to make sure they had time for each other, to pick up the pieces for as long as the other needed, and to simply be there. 

“I love you too, Koutarou.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ^-^
> 
> Comments or feedback are appreciated if you have any, hopefully, this came out well, I think it's one of the longer one-shots I've written,,
> 
> And if you happen to like my writing style I'm always happy to hear coupling/fic requests ^-^


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